Managing: Swearing in the workplace
Ok, this is quite a big @#% topic to cover. But let’s give it a nudge. Without swearing.
The TL;DR of this- it’s more complex than- swear words are bad words.
What is a word?
Sorry, but we’ve got to go deep on this. It will be worth it, I promise. If you wanted simple and superficial, you’ve come to the wrong place. But let’s keep it short.
A word is a series of phonemes that have a shared meaning. You know what it means, I know what it means, and it only means something because we know it’s meaning. If only 1 person knows it’s meaning, is the meaning being conveyed? If a deaf person swears in Magyar, and no one who heard it speaks Magyar, have they sworn?
Meaning comes from shared understanding
But a swear word is different, because it’s actual meaning often doesn’t fit the sentence. Think about a sentence, with the swear word in it, now transpose an alternative word and see if that makes sense (if you need an example, “you’re talking bottom”). Doesn’t make sense, does it?
Swear words are emojis and punctuation marks, out loud.
To better understand what a swear word is- think of them as punctuation, like a ! mark- they have a wider range of meanings than just anger, can be anywhere in the sentence, but more to convey emphasis and emotion to the rest of the sentence than the meaning itself.
Think of swear words are like emoticons. With the huge increase in text-based communication these days, we have evolved our language to include emojis and emoticons- visual representations of the emotional tone we would place on the words we would otherwise speak. We use visual text so much now instead of verbal language, we invented a way to visually show people what our tone would have been had we been speaking, what emotions we want them to hear in our voice.
Jerry knows best
If you want a nuanced understanding of the function of swear words in speech, listen to a top stand-up comic. They appear to be speaking freely and naturally, but every line, every word, is practised, polished and deliberate. A swear word in a comedy routine is there with very deliberate intent- to convey an emotion, to help you feel the way they need to you to feel for the punchline to land. Jerry Seinfeld explains here a joke he couldn’t get to work without the emotional frustration of a swear word.
What type of swearing was it?
To keep it simple, let’s think about swearing coming in one of three forms; swearing at, overheard angry swearing, and social swearing.
Swearing at
Sometimes people are angry, and swear. Sometimes because their emotions spill forth, and swear words are vents for that anger, and it is AT another person. Their attempts to contain their feelings for politeness’ sake fail (some try hard, some not so much). The person at whom this is directed is subjected to that anger (i.e. being sworn at) which makes people very uncomfortable, and rightly so. People shouldn’t be subjected to other people’s anger. This is unacceptable, and no one should be the victim of another person’s anger.
Overheard swearing
Not all angry swearing is AT someone. Sometimes we hear someone else swearing, we hear their anger, their emotions, their frustrations, and we feel uncomfortable, on edge. Sometimes we are in the conversation, sometimes we are only in earshot. It’s not directed at anyone, it’s not a personal insult, but it’s a clear demonstration of emotion, and that does set people on edge.
Social swearing
The most frequent for people use swear words because they are swear words, because they are taboo, because they are socially agreed to be outside of polite and professional language. Why do people choose to be provocative? There are many reasons; humour, social bonding, shock value or emphasis, rebellion or defiance, anger and frustration, or just simple habit.
So what to do about swearing in the workplace?
Let’s start with what you shouldn’t do. Don’t think of them as a list a bad things that happen. Don’t flip through your mental list (‘oh there it is, number 7 on the list’), tick the box that a bad thing has happened, and someone is a bad person and disengage the brain thereafter.
Like a lot of human behaviour the organisation or HR is called upon to arbitrate, ask yourself- who was the victim here? Who’s feelings were hurt, or at least were made to feel uncomfortable? We can set a low bar here- a little uncomfortable is enough to say, ‘ok, bit too much, tone it down next time’, but if the whole audience to the language didn’t bat an eyelid, do we actually have a problem?
When swearing isn’t ok at work
But here’s the problem. People use swear words knowing they are swear words, because they are swear words. They are intentionally being impolite. It’s almost the point; unless swearing is so ingrained in their speech habits that it’s unconscious (and we all know those people), they have chosen to use the words because they are outside of unacceptable language.
To give you a rough guide on handling the types of swearing above:
Swearing at: that’s a problem, and we need to address that behaviour to stop it happening again.
Overhearing swearing: it’s not okay, it’s not great, but it’s not extremely harmful. We should be addressing it as a bad habit that needs fixing (like farting, or bad body odour).
Social Swearing: we only have a problem if someone has a problem. We shouldn’t feel compelled to run around like puritans stamping it out, just because. If someone, a bystander does have a problem with it, it’s polite that other people should try to rein it in for their comfort. It’s a social nicety to not swear around priests and grandmothers. But it’s not wrong, so could you discipline them just for saying word?
Think about the situation- what was the person saying with their sentence that included the swear word? If it was a joke, that was intended to cause laughter? Or was it a jibe, which was indifferent to whether it caused harm or not. Think of swear words not as the problem, but as the fuel poured on the fire. Yes, you can censure people for swear words, but it’s the sentence you a fundamentally have problem with, that has been upgraded with a bad word.
